My brain says no but my pants say off.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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