So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
