sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
