He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
