So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
