I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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