I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
