Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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