the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
