i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
