i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
