there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
