May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
