No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
