You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
