My sheets look like a crime scene.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
