I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
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