I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
