party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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