Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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