Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
