I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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