So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
