Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
