Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
