I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
