Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I am available for nakedness
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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