Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
