At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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