go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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