I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
