There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
