someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everyone says I win the strip club
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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