Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
