Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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