I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
