he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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