be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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