so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
