when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
