stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
