I wish I could punch you in the face.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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