I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he puts the penis in happiness.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
