My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
