Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
