Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
