All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
