After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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