You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
