She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
