My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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